May 2011
53 posts
Make my school a prison, please!! →
bigthink.com
This is a brilliant letter!
I preached against homosexuality, but I was wrong. →
salon.com
As a Presbyterian minister, I believed it was a sin. Then I met people who really understood the stakes: Gay men
This article definitely worth the read. You’ve heard of ex-gays converted by the Church. What about the Church converted by the gays?
“So I suppose you can say I’m quite a religious woman that is very confused about religion and I dream of and envision a future where we have a more peaceful religion or a more peaceful world, a more peaceful state of mind for the younger generation”
—Lady Gaga
I was afraid of the emo/punk/goth kids in high school (laughs). I was a somewhat preppy goody two shoes I suppose. I learned A LOT when I went to college, big culture shock.
You are right; there are a lot of mixed signals. Mainly because I love her, and I’m almost 100% sure she’s in love with me, but we can’t be together. I think that’s what hurts most. There is a distance between us, and normally I wouldn’t try something like that but this is anything but normal. The thing is I was the opposite of you. I’ve been single for a couple years. I was happy to be alone, unattached, not really letting anyone in. Then she came around. First of all, I freaked out because it was girl and that really turned my world upside down and I resisted at every turn. Try as I might when I saw her though, I still took some kind of leap and I kissed her. I hate reliving that night in my head over and over again because it was just…amazing. It was a big mistake on my part but even after this I tried to deny her because I just couldn’t fathom what was going on. What would my friends think? My parents would disown me! There seemed to be a million reasons why being with her was a really bad idea, but I still loved her and it drove me crazy. I got scared…and it cost me her. I feel like we were very intimate, very close. We just clicked you know? At first everything was so easy before I let my brain intrude. When I looked at her it was like the world around me just disappeared and all that mattered was us. Her love and affection, I can only imagine, was like being high. Even now when I see her, it’s there…we both fight it, but…it’s there.
I’ve done that too, just stayed in bed all day…sad to say I’ve done it for 2 or 3 days before. I just wanted to sleep it away. I agree about the moping, at some point you really have to pick yourself up. I have a lot of really good days. In fact so much that sometimes I feel guilty about being so happy without her. Then something will happen that I’ll want to tell her and then I remember she’s gone. I never used to hope before, or think that I was ever the type of person who would fall in love…she made me believe in love. To be honest I want to forget. Up until last night I think I was still holding onto some tragic sense of hope. Now I just want to build up the walls again, I never want to let her close enough to hurt me again. I’m pretty sure self preservation has kicked in, full force.
I love film making, writing, story creating, reading and running too! Sometimes it’s just therapeutic to put in your ipod and just run. I love when I really connect with a song and its lyrics. I googled beat boxing…wow, yea I would suck that that (laughs) I have 0 rhythm.
Yes! You did help and you didn’t have to, which makes you pretty awesome. You word things so beautifully; I really enjoy reading your posts and I LOVE that you ramble! It’s not every day I come across someone who rambles like me. It makes me smile.
Sorry! I just realized that this never saved to my queue! :(
You sound like a really cool chick, who deserves someone in their life who won’t unfairly pull at your heart strings. But I understand the whole feeling of helpless that you could never be together. Besides it being super complicated, worrying about what your family thinks never helps.
I promise though, if you ever did tell your family and they truly love you, then they will do anything to keep you in their lives, including accepting you. It’s hard and it’ll take time. But fear is never a good thing in a family. I’m not telling you it’ll work out necessarily, but it’s better to be honest than dishonest.
It took me 4 years to tell my mum, and it was incredibly stressful. But once I told her and we talked (and still talk) about it, I think those years of silence and pain started to heal. It’s a slow process and we still say the wrong things at the wrong times, but that’s just part of being a family. And just today we were talking wedding bands and marriage and she asked me if she thought I’d the one to propose since I’m the more “tomboy” type. It was cute and we both laughed.
So, don’t give up on love or your family or most importantly — yourself.
You seem like you’ve got a lot going for you and we have a lot of the same interests. So if you think I’m awesome, then you must be awesome, too (by the hold transitive property thing). So I don’t know? Take a chance with this girl? Talk to her about it? Or wait for the next special person to come around? Because the way I see it, awesome people attract other awesome people. It’s just the way the world works.
And as you can see, I’ll always ramble. So I guess you’ll just have to keep on smiling. Success!
New Life Game Plan:
So… . I’ve been struggling all semester trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. Switching majors from physics to film was probably the biggest decision I’ve ever made an my life, but now so many doors are open that I don’t know what to do. I have this burning passion for people. I love to talk to them. I love to help them. In general, I just really love people.
So now… here I am, contemplating the rest of my life. And all I can think about is that I want to travel and help others. I want to live in Asia (preferably Japan) and I want to make films about it.
Because of the whole switching major thing, I’m looking at a 5th year of school. But there’s all these awesome opportunities to study abroad and have it funded that I thought… maybe I could do that? I looked around and Singapore seems like it’d be a really nice fit because it’s in Asia and they allow English speakers to study there. Their second spoken language is Chinese (Mandarin).
And learning Chinese is seeming very appealing to me. For the first time ever I’m starting to contemplate working for the Peace Corps in China. They have this amazing program where you teach English through Western cinema. Could you imagine me teaching Chinese kids about Hollywood and having them make their own video projects?
Plus, between English, Japanese and Chinese, I would be able to communicate with over 75% of the human population. That is so freaking awesome. It would also fulfill my service requirement for the Boren Scholarship I got last summer.
And then to top all of this off… I’d ultimately like to go back to Japan and work for their JET (Japan Exchange and Teaching) Program. They like to see work experience, which is where the Peace Corps would come in handy as I would be teaching English again.
And then throughout all of these experiences I would chronicle them with film, draw inspirations and begin networking for future projects. That way when I apply for graduate school in either America, England or Japan for an MFA in film-making, I’ll have an amazing porfolio, connections and most importantly ideas.
They say artists dream big. I’m a little new to this scene, but I guess I’m starting now.
I want to help people. And I’ve discovered I can do more good behind a camera than I can from behind a lab bench.
Marriage as a Metaphor
Marriage is not about the sex; it’s about the relationship.
Religion is not about my sexual orientation; it’s about my relationship with God.
Wrote a script today.
A little 5-page piece about a character who is transitioning from female to male during high school. His only problem is that he hasn’t settled on a name, so he’s still called Kaitlyn. Really loved the father-son interaction that developed.
That Feeling
You know when an idea hits you? And then you don’t stop thinking about it for a few days. And then finally you do something about it, and it turns into this amazing cathartic feeling? That’s how I feel after I write a script.
I now know what I’m doing for Campus Movie Fest next year. I might treat you guys to some story boards later on today after I iron out the script a little more.
Ugandan Anti-Gay Bill Shelved for Now. →
nytimes.com
This is something I’ve been following really closely. I’m glad to hear it’s been shelved. For now, my prayers go out to the Ugandan Parliament that they see how wrong this bill is.
Athlete Allies. →
nytimes.com
Because straight allies are so important. I wouldn’t be anywhere without people like this in my life.
New Life Goal:
I want to direct one of Lady Gaga’s music videos.
Working on a new script.
This is the pitch:
A traveling American otaku meets a shy, quiet owner of a manga shop in Akihabara. Hilarity, misunderstandings and inevitable romance ensues. Oh, yeah, should I mention they’re both girls?
Discrimination of Muslim soldiers in US Military →
nytimes.com
I just don’t understand why they’re still investigating?
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